The Cold Rap Battle

Announcer: Two super powers going head to head

On one side we have America, on the other The Soviet Union

Who will come out as the winner of this cold rap?

You better duck and cover, these guys are the bomb

Ike Cube and Leonid Breeze Bee take the stage.

US: Yo, you know I’m hotter than fresh apple pie

Sending nuclear missiles into your sky

We stand for Democracy and everything free

You pinko commies wish you could be like me

Our economies boosting, suburbia is Boss

You don’t like it it’s your loss!

USSR: This war may be cold but I’m cool as ice

Equality for everyone, doesn’t that sound nice

We put a satellite into space

And we are going to win this great arms race

You mess with us and you’ll end up dead

Plus we look really good in red.

US: You think you’re so hot but all you do is pout

We’ve build bomb shelters to protect us from fall out

You think your equal, that’s a lie

All your power is in the hands of one guy

We are America, here to save the day

Protecting the world and the American Way

USSR: So whats so perfect about the American way?

Your hatting on African Americans and people who are gay

Your woman are weak, nothing but wives and moms

You say their sexuality is as explosive as bombs

Hate us all you want, but we don’t care

You know you can’t handle the red scare!

Americans think you’re so perfect and free

When you’re really slaves to your TV

US: Why don’t you like our TV? Yes we mean to preach

You guys can’t even handle the freedom of speech!

It’s the great advertisement machine

Helping to commercialize the American dream

Our Levitt towns are affordable and neat

But without commercial goods they are not complete

Our standard of living is better than yours

We are America, we win all wars

USSR: I’m so glad your standard of living is so high

Too bad that is all a big fat lie!

Your people are unhappy, repressed and sad

Your smartest citizens are commies, and it’s not a fad

Try a Witch hunt but you will never find us all

Your capitalist system is going to fall

We are strong and we will fight

That’s why we say “Workers of the world Unite!”

US: I’m America, your worse than Satan

I’m just the little guy your hate’n

USSR: We are the Soviet Union, and we’re not through

Because in Soviet Russia, we out rap you

US: Your so simple, go cry to your mom

We are going to invade Vietnam.

USSR: You think we are done? Not in the least

We are going to unleash our KG Beast.

US: You got missile gap problems? I feel bad for you son

I’ve got 99 problems but nuke aren’t one

(Both parties rap random things over each other until they both pass out from lack of air.)

If you would like to see the video. Click the LINK.

Gallifreyan Girls (A California Girls Parody)

The Doctor: Greetings companions
Lets take a journey

Romana: I know a place,

Where the leaves are always silver

Burnt orange sky

There must be something in the force field

Look’n at the stars

Over the Eye of Harmony (Black hole)

The Daleks

Are destroyed

When they try to exterminate us

You could travel through time

But nothings as fun

As the Citadel in the sun

Once you travel with us

You’ll be falling in love ohh ohhh

Gallifreyan girls are unforgettable

Headdresses

And robes on top

Regenerate

So hot well melt your jelly baby (Oooooh oh oooooh)

Gallifreyan girls are irreplaceable

Clever and quick

We got it on lock

Time lords represent

No your hands up (Oooooh oh oooooh)

Traveling through time

Enjoying playing games with K-9

We solve

Mysteries

With the Doctor in the Tardis (oh oh)

You could travel through time

But nothings as fun

As the Citadel in the sun

Once you travel with us

You’ll be falling in love ohh ohhh

Gallifreyan girls are unforgettable

Headdresses

And robes on top

Regenerate

So hot well melt your jelly baby (Oooooh oh oooooh)

Gallifreyan girls are irreplaceable

Clever and quick

We got it on lock

Time lords represent

But your hands up (Oooooh oh oooooh)

The Doctor:

clever, young

Strong and fast

These are the girls know how to make it last

Great, Great Gallifrey

These are the girls that will set you free

I mean the ones

Like she’s the one

Save her

Help her

Hotter than the sun

She’s got smarts

Got two hearts

And she lives in space

It’s my place

So full of grace

Like the time race

Take the Tardis for a flight

Into the night

Aliens we are going to fight

But in Gallifrey it’s alright

All the monsters

Running away

Cybermen don’t want to play

Geronimo, let’s go, and flow

No foe, for show

Just the Doctor

And Ho

Hey Romana, my fawn-a

(Heeey)

You look like you wanna

(Uh Huh)

Travel with me?

Cuz your representing Gallifrey

Romana:

Gallifreyan girls are unforgettable

Headdresses

And robes on top

Regenerate

So hot well melt your jelly baby (Oooooh oh oooooh)

Gallifreyan girls are irreplaceable

Clever and quick

We got it on lock

Time lords represent

But your hands up (Oooooh oh oooooh)

The Doctor:

(Gallifrey, Gallifreyyyyy)

Galifrean girls, man, I wish they could all be

Galifrean girls

(Gallifrey, Gallifreyyyyy)

I really wish you all could be

Galifrean girls

The blue is (A poem)

(I wrote this last year, when some of my feelings were unrequited. I know it does not rhyme. Not all my poetry rhymes. While I do mostly rhyming things, I like playing with imagery. So while this one is a bit of a downer, enjoy.)


Clean cut waves made of paper and flowers
Crumbling down, folding in the wind
She is in the belly of the ocean
Its stomach acid dissolves all the pigment in her cheeks
A smile, a laugh, a twisted gesture of approval
She keeps a floating
The water pushes her down
The telephone rings and she answers it
A smiling echo of the museum and art galleries,
Of the cinema and islands drifting in a puddle
The sound of chimes and then a blurry buzz
Back in the water, clawing at the thin waves
A joyful shove, eyes meeting and then retreating
A laugh, a smile, a dew drop of blood
Back in the waves
Tumbling and thrashing
Screaming loudly, silently cursing
Letting go would be simple
Falling back into that warm dark place
But the cold is worth the worry
And the blue is

Cash Cab for Cutie

This is to the tune of I Will Fallow You into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. Came up with this idea while doing the dishes.

Passenger of mine

Someday you will find

A cab that is so kind

Its Discover Channels Cash Cab

This cab pays you, and you can make it through

Use your shout outs, you get two

While you ride in the cash Cab

If Ben Bailey decides

That this is the end of your ride

And you don’t take your double or nothing challenge with pride

If you answer all your questions

And all the money you can grab

You just took a ride in the Cash Cab

In New York City the cab drivers are never pretty

But one is the cash cab and pays you back

Don’t get three questions wrong, if your ride is not long

Just wrack your brain for facts

And you might be on the right track

If Ben Bailey decides

That this is the end of your ride

And you don’t take your double or nothing challenge with pride

If you answer all your questions

And all the money you can grab

You just took a ride in the Cash Cab

The questions are so neat, to make sure your knowledge is complete

Learn lots of historical things

And people who do sports are all good to know

As well as characters on tv shows and the bones in your nose

Theres nothing to worry about

Because your getting the questions right

And it looks like you’re at a red LIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

If Ben Bailey decides

That this is the end of your ride

And you don’t take your double or nothing challenge with pride

If you answer all your questions

And all the money you can grab

You just took a ride in the Cash Cab

Polygamy (A love song)

(Please do not be offended. Its all in good fun)


Hey girl, you are looking kind of down today, when you were working on the farm
When I kissed my second wife you looked at me in alarm.
But you know I love you, as much as I love the other two
Maybe not the first wife as I’m sure you have been told
I love you more than my first wife as she is getting kind of old

Chorus:
So girl, you should know I will give one third of my love to you
That’s a pretty big fraction; I give you more love than the other two.
You know you’re the only third wife for me
That’s why I love you, and I love you, I love all three
But not equally.


How are the kids doing? I see you have one on the way
I guess that happened last August on a Thursday
Because your night is Thursday, and Saturday if you’re nice
Sometimes I love you, but I can’t handle you twice
And Saturday is normally wife number two’s night
But you know how we like foursomes, yeah they are tight

Chorus:
So girl, you should know I will give one third of my love to you
That’s a pretty big fraction; I give you more love than the other two.
You know you’re the only third wife for me
That’s why I love you, and I love you, I love all three
But not equally.

Rap portion:
So you’re my baby girl, my only one of three
So don’t get mad, and just see
I take care of you and give you what you need
As long as I know that you are caring my seed
You’re pretty good at harvesting wheat
And your horse meat sandwich is so good to eat
Our kids are pretty normal; we are almost to a dozen
And none of them have problems even though I’m your cousin
Your voice is so sweat to hear, you were sent from above
You know you only have one third true love.
(And that’s you. OOooooooOooo)

Chorus:
So girl, you should know I will give one third of my love to you
That’s a pretty big fraction; I give you more love than the other two.
You know you’re the only third wife for me
That’s why I love you, and I love you, I love all three
But not equally

The Feet Song

I’m kind of jealous of my feet

As their love is so sweet

They really are the perfect pair

When their together people stare

I’m kind of jealous of my feet

Because I know I’ll never be that complete

I’m afraid that it’s hard to find

Someone who is two of a kind

I’m also jealous of my ears

They stay alert when I’m in tears

They listen, even though they are on opposite sides

They still work together in the highest tides

I might be jealous of my eyes

They go good together, it’s no surprise.

They blink away the bad days

They see every color, orange and gray

When I’m feeling blue

I wish people came in groups of two

If we were born, packaged together it would be neat

We’d always be together just like my feet.